Those Who Bully Their Aging Parents

I sometimes wonder what makes some people treat their aging parents badly. My mother’s friend Mrs. K is an 80-something woman who has been bullied by her stepdaughter for years. Recently--according to Mrs. K--she became penniless because her stepdaughter withdrew all the money from her and her husband’s bank account without her permission. This incident finally made her decide to leave her house and live alone. My mother has been helping Mrs. K and will go with her to the city hall tomorrow to find an appropriate housing for her.

I happened to witness a similar case two years ago while I was back from the U.S briefly. A 70-something woman came to visit my mother. She no longer wanted to live with her daughter and grandchildren because they had been treating her harshly. (She then spent at least two nights at my parents’ house.) I heard from my mother that she is now in a hospital; she was sent there about one and a half years ago after she called the police and told them that her grandson was going to kill her.

These two cases make me think that Japan (or at least my hometown) does not have institutions necessary to adapt to a new social formation. While more and more Japanese are losing family ties on which they can depend in their old age, public institutions for social welfare of the elderly have not changed accordingly. (Private facilities for the elderly have been expanding drastically, but only the rich can afford such services.) For example, the city does not have enough professionals to provide mental and social counseling for people like Mrs. K. (Why are there so few social workers in Japan?) Of course, it would be the best if children always took care of their aging parents. But if that is not the case—and increasingly so—I think we should collectively create a social safety net for the unfortunate, though exactly how is beyond my grasp at this point.